A wonderful wednesday morning! God reminds me that He is a great provider! He provides what my body and spirit needs.
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” – Philippians 4:11
“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” – Philippians 4:12
Sometimes, we don’t understand why we have to face drastic changes in life. The unexpected tribulations make you question God’s presence. You are being blinded by the sadness you feel as of the moment; or the challenges seem to be heavy to carry. The only thing left is nothing but overflowing misery.
I attempted to end everything because I thought there’s no sense living here anymore. This is my story.
But God gives life to dead souls.
Through all the adversities, He always executed his presence but the problem is… I failed to respond.
Everytime I think of ending everything – in my mind, the people and memories are flashing back. Brianne, Paul, Arthel, coach Gabay and the rest of the coaches in lab. At that time, i am financially-constraint. But God provided me these wonderful people who made me feel that they are here for me, to support me.
But the nightmare came…
A quiet night of April, i finally did it. I ingested chemicals which medically should’ve destroyed my cells by the process called oxidation. I felt the chemicals disturbing my gastric mucosa and the irritation in my throat bothered me alot up until the point that I cannot utter even a single word anymore. I even dared Him to take my life away from this depressing world. I still remember the place where I told Him these words.
I woke up the next day wondering why I’m still alive. The only thing remarkable was that I’m struggling with speaking because the irritation elevated.
Instead of ending everything with my mistake, the Lord reverted my death into life. He brought the light in the midst of darkness. He has given me an opportunity to start again. Still at awe, I’m wondering if I can make it with the situation that I am in. Penniless, mute, low self-esteem – but still God manifested His power and mercy.
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13
With all those disadvantages, God made me aced that interview for me to be able to start over. I am still amazed that in one day, I’m hired and was able to signed a contract from a prestigious company that I doubted at first if I can even pass their initial interview. Up until the last step of the recruitment process, while I am contained in a four-corner room waiting for the last step, I called him despite of me struggling with non-stop coughing due to mucosal irritation and hunger. For the last time, He did it again for me! He extended his arms for me to be able to stand up from the pit I have dug myself. I won’t forget that moment.
After that day, I still doubted him, asking him what if i failed the medical exam needed by the company? I am still wondering what if they found traces of the chemicals I ingested. The interval from the time I attempted suicide to the successful job interview to contract signing to medical exam is just a matter of 4 days! So chances that I might fail this part…
But then AGAIN and AGAIN, God proved his presence! The medical results showed that my body is normal and undamaged! How could thay be?
Still amazed at this point, reminiscing that part of my life makes me think that God is really working on our lives. Inside me, I thought that ending it all is the answer. But God restored everything and transformed my heart, a heart that will always remember to glorify Him in everything that I do.
Recently, I got that (G) mark on my registration card! It only means that… Yeah, #roadtoPICC is real!
How great is our God! I have so many things to look forward because he blesses abundantly. God really never forsakes his children!
I’m no longer what I used to be. I am stronger because you live in me. The old is gone! The new has come! I’m alive!
“But the Lord stood by me and strengthen me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the Lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.” – 2 Timothy 4:17-18
“Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit.” – Philippians 4:17
The Lord is not done with my life yet. I am excited for the plans he has in store for me.
Thank you, Lord!