Pending Works

I have written several reflections that I want to share to everyone here. But my mind’s bombarding me with alot of thoughts to scribble lately so I am pre-occupied with alot of things.

Soon enough before this season starts, I will transcribe everything so that I might be able to inspire my fellow Christians to do discipleship by writing.

Here are some of what I’m talking about:

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And my favorite…

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Looking forward to share these thoughts and more from my Journal with you all!

Have a nice day! Yep, i’m an owl. Maybe my melatonin is chasing adrenaline as of the moment; i’m so hyper!

Ciaoo!

First Love Never Dies

As the rain continues to pour at the roof’s surface, the sound it makes is a music to my ears. I’m a self-confessed pluviophile. It’s a total relief for me as the sound serenade my inner hormones to think… Or just sleep.

But this time, it gave me a transcending urge of emotions while reminiscing my first love. Isn’t it when you remember your “firsts” you will feel nostalgic like you just want to go back to that scene again and tell your crush that he’s cute. Well, in my case, it’s not someone but something. It helped me vent out my ideas and somehow comforted me through the loneliness of my childhood years ~ writing. 

When I was young, I used to have a notebook with me. I always write anything under the sun. My first accomplishment was when I was able to write a poem about rainbows at the age of 7 or 8. It was written in a half-crosswise paper. Today, it is nowhere to be found. It is just a part of a memory. How I wish I could return to that time of my life so I could have preserved that part of my childhood. But nah, the millieu of my writing dream still resonates in my head. Never will I forget that rainbow…

My love for scribbling thoughts out of my head evolved. My audience were now living and breathing organisms. Imagine how I developed my self-esteem to deliver my mind’s eye from paper to people?

I participated to different speech and writing contests. I did impromptu and declamation speeches which helped me shrug off the stage fright that people would normally feel infront of the crowd. Not only that, I have written numerous articles and editorials for the school organ and competed for the Divisions’ Press Conference. My first love persisted to stay with me not until I set my foot in college. Everything totally shifted because of busy schedules and impalpable demands of it. I gave up my first love to give way to my future career.

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Some would ask why I didn’t pursue any communication degree?

The answer will just swirl around practicality issues. I won’t have to elaborate this part because it hurts me still partly.

Now as I sit and diffuse my thoughts in a spring notebook as the gloomy light from the outside environment permeates through the window, I can’t help but ponder that… first love never dies. 

God’s Provision

A wonderful wednesday morning! God reminds me that He is a great provider! He provides what my body and spirit needs.

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” – Philippians 4:11

“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” – Philippians 4:12

Sometimes, we don’t understand why we have to face drastic changes in life. The unexpected tribulations make you question God’s presence. You are being blinded by the sadness you feel as of the moment; or the challenges seem to be heavy to carry. The only thing left is nothing but overflowing misery.

I attempted to end everything because I thought there’s no sense living here anymore. This is my story. 

But God gives life to dead souls. 

Through all the adversities, He always executed his presence but the problem is… I failed to respond. 

Everytime I think of ending everything – in my mind, the people and memories are flashing back. Brianne, Paul, Arthel, coach Gabay and the rest of the coaches in lab. At that time, i am financially-constraint. But God provided me these wonderful people who made me feel that they are here for me, to support me.

But the nightmare came… 

A quiet night of April, i finally did it. I ingested chemicals which medically should’ve destroyed my cells by the process called oxidation. I felt the chemicals disturbing my gastric mucosa and the irritation in my throat bothered me alot up until the point that I cannot utter even a single word anymore. I even dared Him to take my life away from this depressing world. I still remember the place where I told Him these words.

I woke up the next day wondering why I’m still alive. The only thing remarkable was that I’m struggling with speaking because the irritation elevated.

Instead of ending everything with my mistake, the Lord reverted my death into life. He brought the light in the midst of darkness. He has given me an opportunity to start again. Still at awe, I’m wondering if I can make it with the situation that I am in. Penniless, mute, low self-esteem – but still God manifested His power and mercy.

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

With all those disadvantages, God made me aced that interview for me to be able to start over. I am still amazed that in one day, I’m hired and was able to signed a contract from a prestigious company that I doubted at first if I can even pass their initial interview. Up until the last step of the recruitment process, while I am contained in a four-corner room waiting for the last step, I called him despite of me struggling with non-stop coughing due to mucosal irritation and hunger. For the last time, He did it again for me! He extended his arms for me to be able to stand up from the pit I have dug myself. I won’t forget that moment.

After that day, I still doubted him, asking him what if i failed the medical exam needed by the company? I am still wondering what if they found traces of the chemicals I ingested. The interval from the time I attempted suicide to the successful job interview to contract signing to medical exam is just a matter of 4 days! So chances that I might fail this part…

But then AGAIN and AGAIN, God proved his presence! The medical results showed that my body is normal and undamaged! How could thay be? 

Still amazed at this point, reminiscing that part of my life makes me think that God is really working on our lives. Inside me, I thought that ending it all is the answer. But God restored everything and transformed my heart, a heart that will always remember to glorify Him in everything that I do.

Recently, I got that (G) mark on my registration card! It only means that… Yeah, #roadtoPICC is real!

How great is our God! I have so many things to look forward because he blesses abundantly. God really never forsakes his children!

I’m no longer what I used to be. I am stronger because you live in me. The old is gone! The new has come! I’m alive! 

“But the Lord stood by me and strengthen me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the Lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.” – 2 Timothy 4:17-18

“Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit.” – Philippians 4:17

The Lord is not done with my life yet. I am excited for the plans he has in store for me.

Thank you, Lord! 

Superlative Form of Love

“How great is the love of the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” – 1 John 3:1

Great – adj. of an extent, amount, or intensity considerably above the normal or average; superlative form of good

Superlative – maximum, peak

The love of our heavenly father never fails. It is the perfect type of love; unblemished and unconditional one (agape).

Ours is real love (phileo) if we live as Christians who chose to follow Christ with no doubt.

We are his children! Anyone the Lord loves is his children. As his children, he provides; nourishes us; feeds us with good things (even bad…) which will be upon the glory of His name! For we will become the testimonies of His unfailing love in this world full of failure.

Sometimes, I’m thinking if i deserve his goodness. But after all, he was able to change my heart into a new one. It’s a radical transformation from a greedy one who wants everything in the world that it calls pleasure and power. Now, I’m contented with the provisions He gives me. The necessary and the important.

Thank you for the blessings, Lord. The changed heart, the unending understanding for me and for the people around me.

The old is gone; the new has come! 

The Reason of Existence

“You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. 

I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works! My very self you know.” – Psalm 139:13-14

You kept me alive long before I was born. 

Upon writing this, I remember this psalm our conductor arranged for the wedding of my high school Religion teacher in Calaruega, Tagaytay.

That very moment I felt how God moves through the ceremony. Even though I’m only a part of the background, i felt the sincerity and on how the couple really love each other. I have witnessed how God poured down the water from heavens as a sign that he blesses the bond and afterwhich graciously stopped it giving way for the reception.

Just a memorable moment. Not until I bumped into this verse again. It gave me the not-so-typical-butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling. It’s more of how thankful I am. Thankful for my existence though sometimes I doubt why.

Even though we may lead our own ways based on our own desires, the Lord our God has been consistent knitting the whole you; molding you into the person He wants you to be.

Yes sometimes, we tend to forget who is the Creator of our lives just because we are fully aware that we live in this world for any purpose we want for ourselves.

But God knows you from your internal organs to skin. He made you beautiful and pleasing in His eyes. Remember that God knows the whole you for He is our father. Therefore, we should live to please and obey Him.

Our worldly relationships may falter but our relationship to our one and only creator won’t. Yes it’s normal that at some point of our lives, we will forget Him. That is bound to happen; it’s his way for us to walk our way towards Him and realize that we belong to Him alone.