Yes, you’re reading it right. I don’t know what your struggles are but I know that it will pass. It shall pass.
For the past 6 years of my life, it wasn’t the way I planned it to be. Way back high school right before I graduate, I really wanted to pursue a communication degree far from what I have accomplished. I was into writing; i’m a grammar nazi. I take my English subjects to the extremes (it’s the only subject that i got my 1.00s, hahaha!). However, i drifted from that dream because of practicality reasons and they say, it won’t take me anywhere.
I sent my applications to different universities trying to fit to what people around me thought I will be in the future. I applied for BS Medical Laboratory Science and BS Biochemistry, both from the Faculty of Pharmacy of University of Santo Tomas. I passed almost ready for enrollment. Unfortunately, my parents were scared enough as I am a probinsyana; reasons like I might get pregnant or I might not finish my degree because of n,n,n,n reasons.
I’m happy that I still have a photo of my application form (saw it while browsing for photos to share, hehe!)
Going back, I pursued Pharmacy instead and took it from one of the prestigious universities in Central Luzon, Angeles University Foundation. Yeah obviously, it’s my comfort zone because my parents don’t want to risk chances because I’m their eldest.
I earned friends and engaged myself to different activities which I passionately enjoy. The photo above was taken when I was in 1st year college during our Inter-Collegiate Choral Competition; and yes, we’re the Champion! Rawr! Hahaha!
But things have to change, my parents decided that I’ll continue my degree in Manila since opportunities are much available when you’re a U-belt student.
It wasn’t the way I expect it again. I was overwhelmed by how people hustle and bustle. It’s like everyday is chaos. It was far from the peaceful community I was into; where you can easily buy your lunch at the side gate; where ate Nelia’s porkchop is enough to satisfy your appetite.
Fast forward to the years, I struggled obtaining what my parents wanted for me. For at first, I know it wasn’t really my choice. But I don’t blame them on this since I learned a lot of things dealing with the challenges that this decision gave me. This actually molded me into the person I am today. I don’t regret the re-routes, the re-directions. Maybe that’s how it was planned to be. It was bound to happen.
On the 30th, finally, I will be claiming my diploma and it’s the sweetest gift. I know how hard I ventured through a lot of struggles just to come to this point. There were times where all I see are black and gray.
Once, it happened. Due to the arising mental health stigma, I am more than happy to share that I went through the same phase of other people’s lives. Yes, it wasn’t easy.
Just early this year, I was suicidal. I did it. Actually, I thought it will be the end. My parents gave up. They don’t want to sustain me anymore. But knowing thyself, I thought the only answer is to end it all.
I know some of you won’t believe of divine intervention but it happened to me. God sent people for me to be redirected. My focus from dark and gray became light and happiness. I pursued my degree for the very last time; without knowing where to get my funds for my tuition fee.
I persisted and God never gave up fighting with me. I never felt alone while I’m in this journey. It went really smooth. Prelim, midterm and finals… I thought I won’t be able to make it because I felt strained answering my final exam in my board review subject.
But after a few days. God executed his greatness. I passed! Ready to graduate and march my way to PICC. It was really the best feeling.
To anyone who’s battling against the pressure and discouraging thoughts, I tell you… It will pass. You won’t stay there forever. If you felt demoralized because of harsh words from anyone, forget it. Use those as weapons for you to succeed and cling into God’s promise.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
For the last semester, it’s the only reminder I set to be on my mind every day I wake up. Everytime I really wanted to quit, God constantly reminded me of His promise.
Whoever you are reading this blog, shrug those doubts off your mind. Start believing that you can, even if others say that it’s too late.
Think of why you’ve started. Think of why you’re here. It’s for a reason. Keep that in mind. We all have our own timeline. Trust your timing.
Come on, you can do it. We can do it.